The Struggle is Real

I find myself struggling to stick to a strict Paleo diet.  I can read it out in my head how I want it to go, but when it comes down to it…I don’t have the same motivation.  Anyone else feel that way?  It’s like I write out this elaborate plan that will definitely work, but when it comes down to it I am derailed.  Only to then feel bad for the bad choices I made, when I KNEW that I could have just stuck with my plan.  I think one problem is that I want results fast (and believe me, they do come pretty quick with a STRICT paleo diet) but, hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day – or so the saying goes.  I start to feel good, and then boom…just like that I’m falling off the wagon.  I haven’t completely fell off, but my grip is starting to get questionable.

Stress and exhaustion also play a big factor in my motivation.  Working a full-time job that’s an overnight shift, and going for my Master’s is not the easiest.  I also have to keep busy ALL THE TIME.  I have that FOMO problem – Fear of Missing Out – so I don’t sleep when I should.  I get tired, but my body won’t let me get a restful sleep.  It’s crazy and something I can’t control.  I have been like this all my life, but I feel like as an adult it became a little more amplified.

My dad’s been sick and that hasn’t been easy to deal with.  He comes to visit me for a few days at a time and when he comes he just wants to go out and eat.  This week though, I made him eat paleo meals – which surprisingly, he was into.  I can’t blame my lack of dedication on anyone but myself…I just wish that I could treat myself better.  I know what’s good for me, and I know this works – WHY CAN’T I JUST DO IT!?  Why does food have to pacify me?  Why do bad eating choices make me feel better??  Ironically, though, those choices only make me feel worse in the end.

I know what I am capable of.  I know the results I can achieve.  I know the time frame in which it can be done…but I’m having a really hard time.  Too often that one day of indulgence leads to a 3 day binge of terrible choices in food.  I thought it would be easier when I didn’t live at my mom’s house anymore.  I thought if I only had paleo choices in my fridge and cabinet – that I would be fine.  My choices would be made.  I forgot how much effort had to be put into the paleo way of life.  Food shopping is expensive – but IT’S WORTH IT.

I keep giving myself pep talks.  I keep cheering myself on.  There are days where I am on point!  I feel great the next day…everything is good….my mind is right.  Then, I don’t know what happens.  I feel awful and I self loathe – and I sometimes dig myself into such a hole that I just give up.  I try to stay positive and tell myself that it wasn’t a big deal, just a little hiccup…but it doesn’t always work.  I see other people succeeding…and it makes it worse.

I set up a home gym and I have been able to get in a good little workout everyday so far – except yesterday.  We will just consider that my day of rest for the week.  I’m just hoping I can stick with it and stay motivated.  I don’t have to travel to a gym – it’s just down the hallway!

Tomorrow is my 34th birthday.  Hard to believe I started this blog when I was 30.  Back then I was in the best shape and health of my life.  I felt great – I felt on top of the world.  Over the years all the stress and obstacles I’ve encountered have really knocked me off my game.  I try to get back on the horse – I’ve done it multiple times.  It’s such a struggle.  Some people may never understand how hard it actually is – but I hope they have the compassion and understanding to help others.  I am hoping 34 will be my best year for health and fitness yet.  It’s my goal.  I can do this.  I got this.  One day at a time.

If anyone has any advice, tips, or words of encouragement – please send them my way.

“When you feel like quitting, think about why you started.”

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I’m a 36 year old kid at heart. I reached a low point in my life where I felt like I needed to take control before I didn’t have the choice, and that’s when I decided that I needed to change my lifestyle. It’s going to be my life long goal to always achieve optimum health…I am still young after all. Here I am, over one year into my Paleo journey, and I never felt better.

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