And by here, I mean – at the start of a new Paleo “cycle”, if you will.
Let me first start by saying today I made a list of habits that I want to do everyday (starting with 90 days – inspired by my friend, Katie from World Momination), but hopefully continuing on much longer. I started my day, albeit I was at work, with mediation. It was a 10 minute mediation, and it was just what I needed. I continued to listen to mediation music in my headphones for most of the morning. After work, I came home and went right to the gym. I didn’t want to do the stair master again, but I did it. I’ve been going to the gym consistently for a little bit now and I already feel the difference. In less than a week, I’m down 4.5 lbs. I’ve also been reading a book – The History of Love. It was recommended by my cousin. Best book I’ve read in a long time.
I really wish I never fell off the wagon, but stress will effect you if you let it, and I certainly let it. I stayed pretty healthy, even though I gained weight. I stayed pretty strong as well, but that cortisol really got me good. I can’t make excuses, but my year (2017) had some pretty rough spots and eating became my comfort. My dad being sick took a toll on me in a lot of ways. One – he had cancer…cancer. That’s a scary word and you never think that it will personally effect you, and then one day it does. And two – I had to take him to hormone and radiation treatments, as well as doctor’s appointments – pretty consistently for awhile. I’m sure he was under stress, and probably upset – but boy did he take it out on me a lot. I don’t blame him, I can’t – but it was hard. You work to please others, but often you forget about taking care of yourself first. That’s probably the most important think, and I neglected myself. I stopped caring because it seemed other things were more important and I had to prioritize. Making paleo friendly food at the end of a long day of working and running around was not at the top of my list. I grabbed what was fast. I tried to stay “healthy”, but the proof is in the pudding.
So here I am, back at square one (kinda). All that hard work and dedication I put in the first time, fell by the wayside, and now I have to get there again – mentally, physically, emotionally. One step at a time, right? I’m mad at myself, or well, I was mad at myself, until a few days ago – or maybe it was today. I just want to let go of the regret and remorse, and just do what I need to do to get back. Luckily, everything I learned the first time around hasn’t left me.
I’ve been making my own versions of paleo meals (I’ll post the recipes in separate posts). I’ve been meal prepping. I started eating my prepared breakfasts at work. I cut out the sugar and dairy. I’m on my way to great things. When I’m not in shape, overweight, and not the optimum version of myself – I’m an asshole. I take it out on everyone around me, and that’s not fair.
The one thing I always loved doing – snowboarding-, I was starting to no longer love. I couldn’t dig deep enough in my stubborn soul, to get over being stubborn about it – and just do it. I needed to prove to myself that I still loved doing it…it was still a passion…I still felt that rush and adrenaline…the only thing I was brave enough to try and start by myself – teach myself – push myself….and I was losing my passion. But today, an epiphany – I do care about snowboarding. I do want to do it. I want to feel that rush. I’m not the best, but I love it.
Over the past couple days, I’ve showed myself that if I put my mind to it, I can do it. I have a great year coming up. I’ll be 35, I’ll pay my car off soon, and I will finish my Master’s degree by December!!! Speaking of school, next semester starts on February 4, and I have to do my mid-point review soon. So crazy, but I’m so ready!
“Be you. The world will adjust.”