And by here, I mean – at the start of a new Paleo “cycle”, if you will.
Let me first start by saying today I made a list of habits that I want to do everyday (starting with 90 days – inspired by my friend, Katie from World Momination), but hopefully continuing on much longer. I started my day, albeit I was at work, with mediation. It was a 10 minute mediation, and it was just what I needed. I continued to listen to mediation music in my headphones for most of the morning. After work, I came home and went right to the gym. I didn’t want to do the stair master again, but I did it. I’ve been going to the gym consistently for a little bit now and I already feel the difference. In less than a week, I’m down 4.5 lbs. I’ve also been reading a book – The History of Love. It was recommended by my cousin. Best book I’ve read in a long time.
I really wish I never fell off the wagon, but stress will effect you if you let it, and I certainly let it. I stayed pretty healthy, even though I gained weight. I stayed pretty strong as well, but that cortisol really got me good. I can’t make excuses, but my year (2017) had some pretty rough spots and eating became my comfort. My dad being sick took a toll on me in a lot of ways. One – he had cancer…cancer. That’s a scary word and you never think that it will personally effect you, and then one day it does. And two – I had to take him to hormone and radiation treatments, as well as doctor’s appointments – pretty consistently for awhile. I’m sure he was under stress, and probably upset – but boy did he take it out on me a lot. I don’t blame him, I can’t – but it was hard. You work to please others, but often you forget about taking care of yourself first. That’s probably the most important think, and I neglected myself. I stopped caring because it seemed other things were more important and I had to prioritize. Making paleo friendly food at the end of a long day of working and running around was not at the top of my list. I grabbed what was fast. I tried to stay “healthy”, but the proof is in the pudding.
So here I am, back at square one (kinda). All that hard work and dedication I put in the first time, fell by the wayside, and now I have to get there again – mentally, physically, emotionally. One step at a time, right? I’m mad at myself, or well, I was mad at myself, until a few days ago – or maybe it was today. I just want to let go of the regret and remorse, and just do what I need to do to get back. Luckily, everything I learned the first time around hasn’t left me.
I’ve been making my own versions of paleo meals (I’ll post the recipes in separate posts). I’ve been meal prepping. I started eating my prepared breakfasts at work. I cut out the sugar and dairy. I’m on my way to great things. When I’m not in shape, overweight, and not the optimum version of myself – I’m an asshole. I take it out on everyone around me, and that’s not fair.
The one thing I always loved doing – snowboarding-, I was starting to no longer love. I couldn’t dig deep enough in my stubborn soul, to get over being stubborn about it – and just do it. I needed to prove to myself that I still loved doing it…it was still a passion…I still felt that rush and adrenaline…the only thing I was brave enough to try and start by myself – teach myself – push myself….and I was losing my passion. But today, an epiphany – I do care about snowboarding. I do want to do it. I want to feel that rush. I’m not the best, but I love it.
Over the past couple days, I’ve showed myself that if I put my mind to it, I can do it. I have a great year coming up. I’ll be 35, I’ll pay my car off soon, and I will finish my Master’s degree by December!!! Speaking of school, next semester starts on February 4, and I have to do my mid-point review soon. So crazy, but I’m so ready!
“Be you. The world will adjust.”
Love love love this blog. And not just cause you shout me out!
XoxoX
One step at a time. You got this!