It Seems I Find Myself Here, Often

And by here, I mean – at the start of a new Paleo “cycle”, if you will.

Let me first start by saying today I made a list of habits that I want to do everyday (starting with 90 days – inspired by my friend, Katie from World Momination), but hopefully continuing on much longer.  I started my day, albeit I was at work, with mediation.  It was a 10 minute mediation, and it was just what I needed.  I continued to listen to mediation music in my headphones for most of the morning.  After work, I came home and went right to the gym.  I didn’t want to do the stair master again, but I did it.  I’ve been going to the gym consistently for a little bit now and I already feel the difference.  In less than a week, I’m down 4.5 lbs.  I’ve also been reading a book – The History of Love.  It was recommended by my cousin.  Best book I’ve read in a long time.

I really wish I never fell off the wagon, but stress will effect you if you let it, and I certainly let it.  I stayed pretty healthy, even though I gained weight.  I stayed pretty strong as well, but that cortisol really got me good.  I can’t make excuses, but my year (2017) had some pretty rough spots and eating became my comfort.  My dad being sick took a toll on me in a lot of ways.  One – he had cancer…cancer.  That’s a scary word and you never think that it will personally effect you, and then one day it does.  And two – I had to take him to hormone and radiation treatments, as well as doctor’s appointments – pretty consistently for awhile.  I’m sure he was under stress, and probably upset – but boy did he take it out on me a lot.  I don’t blame him, I can’t – but it was hard.  You work to please others, but often you forget about taking care of yourself first.  That’s probably the most important think, and I neglected myself.  I stopped caring because it seemed other things were more important and I had to prioritize.  Making paleo friendly food at the end of a long day of working and running around was not at the top of my list.  I grabbed what was fast.  I tried to stay “healthy”, but the proof is in the pudding.

So here I am, back at square one (kinda).  All that hard work and dedication I put in the first time, fell by the wayside, and now I have to get there again – mentally, physically, emotionally.  One step at a time, right?  I’m mad at myself, or well, I was mad at myself, until a few days ago – or maybe it was today.  I just want to let go of the regret and remorse, and just do what I need to do to get back.  Luckily, everything I learned the first time around hasn’t left me.

I’ve been making my own versions of paleo meals (I’ll post the recipes in separate posts).  I’ve been meal prepping.  I started eating my prepared breakfasts at work.  I cut out the sugar and dairy.  I’m on my way to great things.  When I’m not in shape, overweight, and not the optimum version of myself – I’m an asshole.  I take it out on everyone around me, and that’s not fair.

The one thing I always loved doing – snowboarding-, I was starting to no longer love.  I couldn’t dig deep enough in my stubborn soul, to get over being stubborn about it – and just do it.  I needed to prove to myself that I still loved doing it…it was still a passion…I still felt that rush and adrenaline…the only thing I was brave enough to try and start by myself – teach myself – push myself….and I was losing my passion.  But today, an epiphany – I do care about snowboarding.  I do want to do it.  I want to feel that rush.  I’m not the best, but I love it.

Over the past couple days, I’ve showed myself that if I put my mind to it, I can do it.  I have a great year coming up.  I’ll be 35, I’ll pay my car off soon, and I will finish my Master’s degree by December!!!  Speaking of school, next semester starts on February 4, and I have to do my mid-point review soon.  So crazy, but I’m so ready!

“Be you.  The world will adjust.”


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I’m a 36 year old kid at heart. I reached a low point in my life where I felt like I needed to take control before I didn’t have the choice, and that’s when I decided that I needed to change my lifestyle. It’s going to be my life long goal to always achieve optimum health…I am still young after all. Here I am, over one year into my Paleo journey, and I never felt better.

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